We Will See You Tomorrow

Today is National Suicide Prevention Day. It is a day and a cause that is very personal and very important to me, for a variety of reasons. No matter what your reason is for valuing this day, it is so important, and your reasons are important.  Suicide is a problem that needs to be addressed. It is a symptom of a disease. Mental illness and addiction can kill. I have seen first hand the toll that they take on your spirit. I know that I don't have all the answers, and this issue is bigger than any one person. However, if we all stand together, our thousands of voices will make a bigger impact than any one person. We all need to work together to bring about awareness and solutions.  We can all bring awareness to the people we come into contact with. Today is the day that we stand together and say that it is ok to not be ok.  So love you friends a little deeper, and hold your loved ones closer. Let's raise our voices together...

This past week, my grandmother passed away. She hadn't been doing well, and we all knew it was coming. When she was alive, she always told me that she wished that she could see the ocean. She never got to. At first, that broke my heart, but then I realized that by now she has seen every bit of coastline of every ocean in a way that we never will in our time on Earth. Her wish stuck with me for a few days.  I realized, I do not want to get to the end of my life, and have to tell my grandchildren that I wished I could have seen or done something that I hadn't gotten to do. I want to get to the end of my life and tell my grandchildren about that time I hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. There will always be naysayers. There will always be reasons...not enough money, not enough time, whatever...but those reasons don't matter. If your spirit aches for something, find a way to do it. If you want to write a book, write a book. If you want to open your own business, do it. If you want to skydive...you are without me on that one, but do it anyways. Find a way to do what makes your soul soar. Go and see your ocean, before one day you wake up and your dream became impossible. Make your soul come alive! 

In his book, If You Feel Too Much, Jamie Tworkowski writes that today is bigger than your yesterday. So I ask you to make it though your today, and bring your friends with you...and we will see you tomorrow. 

Oh and Grandma, thanks for inspiring me with your life and in your death...and I hope that the ocean was better than you ever dreamed it would be. 

Creative Jealousy

I have been thinking quite a bit about creative jealousy.  When I say creative jealousy, I am talking about how my creativity, and I'm assuming some of your's as well, is affected by the creative output or ideas of others.  This is especially troublesome when it comes to the internet and blogs.  So many times I have been feeling creative and then I get online only to be discouraged because people are creating work that I find more creative or higher quality than what I am creating.  Or thinking that I will never be as creative as so and so, so why even try. It was only lately that I even realized that I was doing this.  I mean even when writing this post I found myself comparing it in size, quality, and content...and I'm writing about comparisons.  I would sit and look at all these projects that people created, and instead of using their creativity and being inspired by their creativity, I just don't even try.  It's an attitude that can be deadly to personal creativity and your creative output.  It was only when I realized how good I feel when I am creating something and how it makes me feel that I decided that I need to figure out how to push through my own feelings of jealousy.  I have trying to make a real effort to push though and actually create something even when I don't feel like it.  I had been thinking over this post for a few days, but then today I read a post on The Dainty Squid and she was essentially thinking the same things as I was.  She was talking about how a great way to push through these feelings is to just create anyways, just create anythings.  As long as you are putting brush to canvas, pen to paper, or whatever other creative outlet you choose.  As long as you do it, that's what really matters.  Comparing yourself to other people in any area of your life is rarely a good thing. I am learning it too, but I know that it is so important to be who you really are and to do what you love.  Fill your life with beautiful things, whether you think you can or not, and whether you feel like it or not.  

Am I A Theater

We are currently experiencing this ridiculous snowstorm that is affecting a good bit of the country, with about a foot of snow around here.  I even got a snow day from work, which is something that I never thought I would get as an adult.  I haven't left my house in three days, which means I have gotten a lot done, but I also have been doing quite a bit of loafing and thinking.  I have been reading a lot, which tends to make me very introspective, I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

I have been thinking about how quick we are to put on an act.  One book that I have been reading is Scary Close by Donald Miller.  I haven't finished the book yet, but he discusses how the deepest craving of the human spirit is to be fully known and to be accepted anyways.  However, we can't be fully known and fully accepted because most of us are not fully known, it is for this reason that many of us do not feel fully accepted.  We are all so quick to act out a theater.  We are all actors in a play and we all think that we are the only ones that are acting in our play, when we aren't really the main actor.  All of this has me thinking, how much of who I think I am and pretend to be is actually me, and what is just a theater that I am putting on.  What parts of me are real and what parts of me are parts I pretend are real, to get some fake acceptance from others. I think that we who spend more time online are especially guilty of this, putting out only the sparkly clean bits of our lives. Most of us pretend to be interesting, when really there are real parts of us that are actually interesting.  It's some deep stuff to think about. That's what snow days do to me I suppose, make me get all introspective and deep.

Thanks for putting up with my crazy deep thoughts for today.